Inside a Husband’s Mind Concerning Infertility
Since Father’s Day is in June, I strong-armed my wonderful husband in helping me with this month’s article. My husband has formally lived a fertile life and now a part of an infertile one. I’ve picked his brain as to how he feels about this new journey.
I asked my husband the following questions and he answered as if it was an unbiased third party asking, to try and keep it more objective.
Me: How does you feel so far not being able to have child with your wife?
Him: To be honest, it makes me sad I haven’t been able to give her the child we want… YET. I only feel as though it’s a “so far”, and that it will happen one way or another… I’m filled with hope, she inspires me to stay positive.
Me: How do you think it affects your wife seeing you share a child with your ex wife?
Him: Well, I hope that because he’s so old(15 years old in July)already that it doesn’t affect her as it would a young child. But I don’t feel like I share a child with my ex either, we’re too far apart for that. I feel as though I share him with her, not my ex. I hope she feels that way too.
Me: How does it feel as a man to be considered a part of an infertile couple?
Him: I guess I haven’t given in to the “infertile couple” part of it in my mind. I know the statistics and all, but I guess I feel as though I have to be the one who’s forever confident about our chances, so she doesn’t have to all the time. I couldn’t imagine having to always be as strong as she is, but I try for her.
Me: How is it, that you are able to go along with your wife’s strange new get pregnant quick schemes like shaking her upside down by holding her by her ankles?
Him: How is it?? More like, how is it I don’t start thinking up things up myself?? I love doing all the things she comes across, (or that we think might help) sometimes they’re really fun!!
Me: Do you ever feel the hopelessness or despair that your wife does? If not, why not?
Him: No. I can’t. Like I said, for all that she’s had to go through, she shouldn’t have to worry that I’ll give up.
Me: What are some things you would tell other men to help their wives feel more at ease about the whole process?
Him: At ease… funny that. I guess don’t give up, even if she’s thinking about giving up, pick her up and let her know she’s not alone. If you really plan on being a father, you can do nothing less.
I’ve got to say, I love my husband. I hear from women all the time that they wish their husbands would react more and take all this more serious. My husband KNOWS how serious I take this, yet even he says he doesn’t see us as an “infertile couple”.
My friend Dawn sent me the following from her husband:
“ I had no idea why my wife wanted a child so badly, and how much it had to have hurt until we actually had our son. Once we had him and saw what he brought to our lives, I started to understand how difficult it was for her to not have a child. “
Ladies, we, as women, are just wired differently — this here is solid scientific proof!