Watching a friend experience the loss of their baby and the grief that remains can feel so helpless. Unfortunately, there isn’t a “one-size fits all” approach to support a grieving friend through loss, but there are many ways to be supportive. When my daughter died at 33-days-old, it was the first loss of this type…
When my daughter was born, my heart was full. I didn’t know so much love was possible. I didn’t know it was possible to care about another person that much. Five days later, she died. No word exists to describe the level of devastation that wrecked in my love. But, that love. That love would never go away.
In fact, I was determined to see it multiply. I described those feelings of love wherever I went. It was my way of coping. I threw myself into doing good in her name. It kept me from falling in a dark abyss forever. I think other grieving moms react this way too. Not all, certainly. And doing good in your child’s name doesn’t make your child better or more loved than any other child.
I’ll be talking about doing good in your baby’s name here on Still Standing often in my weekly posts, and I hope to help other grieving moms like me remember their babies. Doing good was the only way I found to go from a sobbing mess on the floor to a strong, confident standing baby loss mother. And, honestly, part of me is forever going to be that sobbing mess on the floor.
I’m a better person because my daughter was here. I want to make the world a better place, too.
I find that especially around the anniversaries and big dates, I throw myself into doing something good to remember Cora. Mother’s day is coming up, and this will unbelievably be my fourth Mother’s Day as a mom. I was pregnant with Cora for my first, and the last two have been spent without her.
If you feel up to it this Mother’s Day, here are some ways to do good in your baby’s name:
- Send Mother’s Day cards to other grieving moms (this is what I’ve done the past two years).
- Visit a retirement home with some flowers for some of the moms there. Nursing homes can be so lonely.
- Plant flowers or a tree in your baby’s memory.
- Buy a single mom a gift card for some pampering at a local spa.
Please share your ideas in the comments below! I so look forward to spending some time with all of you every month on Still Standing, and hope we’ll get to know each other a bit better.