Hold On

April 1, 2016

It’s hard to say how you got here. You’re not even quite sure how your life unraveled at the seams and you found yourself sitting in a pile of tissues and broken wishes and dreams. Your plans were big. Your hopes were perfect, but one thing led to another, and like an unstable tower, it all came crashing down. This wasn’t the plan, that’s for sure.

Life feels crumbly. You’re not quite sure where to go. You’re not quite sure who you are anymore, let alone why you’re still here. How could you have to keep walking and moving and breathing when your world– all your dreams, the best made plans– have shattered?

I’m so sorry you’re here. I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I’m so sorry that life hasn’t been kind. This world can be a cruel place, and you’ve borne the brunt of that truth.

I know you’re weary. I can see it on your face. I can see it on the worn out, broken down look with the half smile you are trying to force. It may fool others. That’s fine. No one needs to pry into your heart or try to fix you. That’s not what you need. It may fool them, but it doesn’t fool me, because, friend, I’m right there with you.

I know you sometimes feel unappreciated when you give when you have nothing left to give. Like all the energy you are exerting to make it through each day, to take care of others, to love with all you have goes unnoticed. I see that, and I understand how hard it can be. Even on the days when it’s hard enough to just get out of bed and plant both feet on the floor and you can’t seem to “adult” or function, it’s okay. I see you. Know that some days, even just breathing is enough. Give yourself grace, my friend.

I know this life feels a little scary at times. One shoe has fallen, and you’re just waiting for the other…In fact, your whole life seems to be about just waiting on the other, like you are caught in this half-wince, shielding yourself from one more blow, and wondering how you’ll hold on if and when it hits. It’s only a small comfort, but know that even in the fear, the discomfort, and the uneasy, that you still are never alone. 

I know some days you may feel used, laid to dry, broken, unwanted and unlovable. Like you’ve been tainted by the hurt and the pain, and you’re no good. Like you’re no good to the world. Like you’re no good for others. Like you’re no good for yourself. Let me tell you something, if you ever spend one moment thinking any of that— thinking about giving up, stop.

Write this down. On your paper. On your hand. On your heart. Anywhere you can write it so you’ll see it, and you’ll learn it, and you’ll read it enough times that you just might start to believe it: no matter what depth of despair you find yourself in, you are never alone. No matter how deep your sorrow, there is always hope to keep you holding on. No matter how isolated you feel, there is always a reason to take the next step, the next breath, the next moment, and the next and the next.

And ultimately, even if today were the end of all things, it’s really not. It really never is. What we think is the end is often a new beginning, and the darkness is really often just a walkway to new light– sometimes it’s just a very long walk to get there.

One way or another, friend, I promise you that you’ll get through. I promise you that you’ll make it. When it all feels shattered, keep holding on. I’ll hold on beside you.

This post originally appeared on Scribbles and Crumbs.

  • Lexi Behrndt

    Lexi is a writer at Scribbles & Crumbs, communications director, and a mom of two boys, one in heaven.


    • Jai

      April 1, 2016 at 10:00 am

      Thank you! On 4-13 it will be 1yr. since our baby girl Angel Barbara was born still. The words in this post mean so very much.

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