The Worthless Woman

November 23, 2015

You don’t understand, you don’t have any children…

You don’t know true love until you’ve looked into your child’s eyes…

My life had no meaning until I had a baby…

To be a mother is a beautiful thing…


All these words are words I read or hear almost daily.  Do you think I have no empathy or have the ability to understand you?  Is the love I feel for others not truly love?  Will my life have no meaning if I don’t have a child?  Am I not beautiful without a child on my hip?

Women were created to have children; it’s the “Most Womanly” thing we can do.
But what of us who can not have children?

We are made to feel trivial.
Oh, don’t you worry, you’ll have a child someday and it will be the best thing ever!”

We are made to feel less than.
“How many children do you have?!”
She then turns her head to talk to the next woman.


Society puts so much worth of a woman on the fact that she has to or needs to have children.
Don’t you think you should start thinking about having a baby?”

Don’t you think the fact that I can’t have children already makes me feel worthless enough without you reminding me I’m another year older?

Don’t you think I feel unfeminine?
“Show your stretch marks as a medal of honor of your mommy-hood!!”
As I look down at my unmarked body….

None of this was ever my choice or dream to have.  I wake up every morning thinking, “This can’t be my life; I was made for something more than…than any of this.”

I wake up regularly feeling…Empty.





  • Mandy

    I have lived with infertility since 2007 and hope to give women with infertility a voice. I live in South Dakota with my pitbull, Bella and 2 cats. You can follow me on my blog.


    • Celina

      November 23, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      ♡ I understand.

    • Elle in NC

      November 24, 2015 at 1:24 pm

      No one can make you feel devalued. We have a choice on how to receive the insignificant blunders of ignorant voices. We must each sort through the seemingly countless words that come at us each day. Listen for the words that help you grow — blossom — and let the words that could damage roll off like a windshield treated with Rain-X. Life is too short to worry about what other people have to say about us. The better question is, “What do you say about you on the inside?”

      We each have value in this world. We are each filled with a potential for greatness. Some of us use that potential and grow from adversity while others never even realize their own potential. Life is too short. In the end, we will not be measured by the number of children we have had, if any, nor are we even by what others have said. When we leave this world, we will be measured by LOVE. Ask me to explain more. ♡♡♡

      Much love I leave with you and hope for you peace that passes all understanding.

    • Margaret

      November 29, 2015 at 9:43 am

      Mandy! I have been through similar circumstances, and now have a beautiful baby girl with the help of a surrogate mother.. if you would give this a thought..

    • Sherri Baggett

      November 29, 2015 at 11:34 am

      My daughter wanted children so badly…but it was not to be. She finally had a hysterectomy at the age of 36. That was 8 years ago. For five long years she grieved for the loss of that child she never had. She grieved because she was unable to give me grandchildren. No one really noticed the depression that had overtaken her. She no longer wanted to do anything or even keep her house clean. She was as a robot. She functioned, went to work, and cooked her meals for herself and her husband. She stayed in her world of depression without anyone really recognizing that. One year after her hysterectomy she called and asked me if I knew what the day was. Of course I didn’t. It was the one year anniversary of her loss of the child she never had. I should have known then the depths of her despair. One day she looked around and realized that she was more than just having a child. She looked at her friends and her life and decided she was worth living again. She saw her home and her husband again, one without children. And she finally accepted it. She is happy again and what a difference in her. She participates in life again. We will always grieve the loss of the child she never had but she has finally moved on.

    • Diane

      December 3, 2015 at 6:49 am

      Oh no, no, no! Dear Mandy, almost every day, I see MOTHER’s who are empty, broken, and depressed… Having a child is NOT the only key to your happiness! Don’t believe everything you see nor hear bcoz most of the time people lies… Because even if they have a child, it doesn’t mean that’s where everything stops! Some pretends they are truly happy but deep inside they are miserable… YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN HAPPINESS! We don’t have a baby yet and maybe we will never have… But i do not feel sorry for myself because i know that i am much more than that!! Actually i feel sorry for those mother’s who are not capable of being a “good” mother to their children… My husband loves me UNCONDITIONALLY and i feel the same way, we don’t know if either one of us has a problem but we don’t care! We both agreed not to go to the doctor because our love for each other is more than enough to make us happy. We don’t stress/worry about those things that we cannot have/control… Sorround yourself with positive people, be at peace with yourself, and learn to love yourself “more”, bcoz when you do then you’ll see the world in a different light! Every single woman is perfect and beautiful! You have the power to wake up each morning and feel complete, feminine, and worthy! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, enjoy every single moment! Smile and the world smiles with you! ENJOY being a woman, there are lots of reasons to celebrate!

    • Jennifer

      December 6, 2015 at 12:14 pm

      We, and I mean you and me, are not worthless or less of a woman. It has taken me a long time to get over my 4 miss-carriages but I have. I couldn’t help but well up when I read your story. I understand the loss that you feel and I have heard these things myself. Why do people do that? If I could tell someone what to say that would make someone feel better after a miss-carriage I would say nothing. There is nothing that you can say that will make them feel better. Just sit with them and bring them tea and say nothing at all. Sometimes silence speaks louder and softer to the heart than words.

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