October- How Can I Help?

October 10, 2014

It’s October. For many people this brings about many emotions, many feelings. A feeling of isolation for some and the sense of community brought together by loss for others. We all know it’s pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. October 15th is a day dedicated to remembering all of the babies gone too soon.

Often for those that have experienced pregnancy and infant loss, this is the every day- creating awareness and sharing their baby’s/babies’ story. Speaking their name. But for everyone else– those who haven’t experienced loss– they may not understand. They want you to “get over it”, “move on”, and “keep going”- but we know…loss changes you forever.

It’s hard. As someone who has not lost a child, but is an ally and advocate for the baby-loss community, sometimes I don’t know what to say. And that’s normal.  As I study grief and bereavement counseling I’m learning I won’t always have the right words to say, or the answers some long for.  Many won’t, despite best efforts.

I often wonder, especially in October, where *I* should fit in. I want to be advocate and raise awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. As one born prematurely at 25 weeks, I feel it is my personal and professional calling,  but as one who has not experienced child loss, I often wonder “Where is my place?”  I want to help, but I’m not sure how. I want to work here, together, with you.  On a professional level, I am learning so much from the pregnancy and infant loss, and infertility communities… I am learning from all of you. You are my teachers; your baby(ies) and their stories are my inspiration.

It is my goal that more of us…those who have not experienced child loss, but who have hearts for those of you who have…become more aware of your walk.

And allow us to walk with you.

To Stand with you.

I thank you all for allowing me to be a part of your journey. I am honored and blessed.


***In the comments, please share your experience.  Share how you would feel best supported by those in the ‘non-loss’ world.  Tell me what you wish was said, done or expressed in your grief journey. The more we break the silence together, the less alone we are and the more impact your children have on our world.***


  • Deana Ruston

    Deana Ruston, is studying thanatology (grief & bereavement) at King’s University College at Western University King's University College at Western University in London, Ontario, Canada. in London, Ontario, Canada. She is a Student Member of the Canadian Association for Child & Play Therapy Canadian Association For Child & Play Therapy She is hoping to pursue graduate studies in either play therapy or postpartum mood disorders. She has a special interest in working with bereaved children.

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