Those of us who have been through child loss know as well as anyone the power of a moment in time. Grasping those moments with the child you know you may not have long, and trying to survive in the meantime and the after. It’s so easy to slip into a depressive cycle after losing your…
There are days filled with moments of stillness and quiet and missing you. I find myself staring off into a void as the world passes in a flurry of color and motion. I strain to see the details, but only manage flashes and blurry bits of time. I hear the echo of a cry and realize that it is my own. I am desperate to hold onto the vaporous memory of you, yet inevitably loose the image of your face. I see the vast expanse of my life without you and wonder how I will find the stamina to live on. I lay down at the end of the day and mindlessly hum the lullaby I sang while I carried you. I wake the next morning and brace for another day without you.
There are days filled with happiness and laughter and hope. I find myself staring deeply into the soulful eyes of my children as each has commanded my absolute attention. I soak in the exquisite details of the day as the house overflows with light and life. I hear the echo of a cry and realize I am laughing out loud at the chaos and messiness of my life. Although I cannot remember your sweet face, yet I see pieces of you in your father, your sister, and your brothers. I close my eyes at the end of my day and sweetly hum the lullaby I sang while I carried you. I awake the next morning filled with peace because I believe I will see you again.
In the days ahead, as you navigate your grief, I wish you peace, support, and love. But most of all, I hope you have better good then bad days.