My belly is round.
My baby is moving, healthy, and growing inside.
It was a long time coming after a hard battle with infertility.
The fear is still there after 12 losses and scary uncertainty.
I am happy, hopeful, and excited.
Looking to the future with plans, dreams, and hope for him.
And I see you.
I recognize that glace, that look you put my way.
I can see the pain, sadness, and anger.
I am so sorry.
I recognize that look, I’ve seen it on my own face.
I’ve given the same glance, filled with pain, sadness, and anger.
Not that long ago. To women carrying a life inside them. No mistaking it.
I wish I could hug you and tell you I understand.
Pregnancy after infertility and multiple loss can be a strange situation. I want to celebrate and be happy, but fear and anxiety holds me back. I want to shout from the roof tops that a rainbow baby is entering the world and enjoy this, but part of me feels wrong about doing so.
I have been that person giving the glace to a seemingly unaware pregnant woman and wishing things could be different for me. I have been angry and upset that everyone around me seems to be pregnant and unaware of just how quickly things could turn.
I wish I could convey with a quick look that I am not taking this for granted, that I understand how painful it can be to look in my direction, and that I hope with all my being that you can be here one day too.
Photo credit: adapted from kevinmklerks / Flickr