Guest post by Jo
Unfortunately I start my story with a few very sad and traumatic facts: three years ago my precious two and a half year old daughter Lily died. My husband found her unconscious with the cord from the blind in her bedroom around her neck. Fifteen minutes earlier we had kissed her goodnight after what had been an exceptional day with her. After every attempt to revive her, our world was completely shattered when she was pronounced dead an hour later in the local hospital.
I have never told my story on a public forum before, but after stumbling across this website I feel compelled to share it. Partly because i need to make a connection with other bereaved parents but mostly because I have become fascinated with the strength of the human spirit and how we survive such trauma. Without rambling I want to put across at how amazed I am that my husband and I and other bereaved parents are ‘still standing’. Lets face it, losing a child is the worst that life can throw at you and yet most of us miraculously, stand undefeated. Why, when our own lives come crashing down around us do we not give up and die ourselves?
I truly believe it is because of the strength of the human spirit, the soul, our inner self, the voice inside your head or whatever you want to call it. Since Lily died I have been on what can only be described as a spiritual journey. I have embraced meditation, positive thinking, mindfulness, homeopathy , massage, reiki, exercise, angelic wisdom and other holistic practices. As a result I am now a more compassionate person with wisdom beyond my years. Lily’s death has left me stranded, sad, traumatised and completely heartbroken.
Bit by bit I am having to rebuild what feels like every aspect of my life. I guess what I am trying to say is that when every inch of me feels like giving up, I don’t. When anger and frustration sets in I ride it out. When anxiety reaches its terrifying heights I somehow come through it. Why? Because for some reason I have a burning desire to not let this beat me; I want to live again and enjoy life. Is this because I have nurtured my ‘human spirit’ with the positive practices I mentioned above or is it just me as a person.
Do I feel guilty for feeling like life is for living, yes!
Will it stop me, no!
Lily knows I love her and until we meet again I have no choice but to make the best of things. It will take courage, determination and a huge leap of faith. I salute all you brave, wonderful bereaved parents out there who like me are trying their best to ‘make a go of it’. We the heroes of our own wars; keep going.
All my love,
– Jo
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