I am a Mommy
Guest post by April Condray Martin
To some, the badge of Motherhood is one of the most highly sought after of all of life’s badges. I know it certainly was for me! All my life, the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be was someone’s mommy. I am a mommy but not the way I thought I would be.
Through the heartache of losing our son, I have learned many things. Not just about myself or my husband, but also about those around us. Those who try to help have the hardest time helping us on their journey through grief.
Being there for someone going through the loss of a child is incredibly difficult. All loss is painful. Grief has many faces. Some are ugly, some are angry and some are full of tears. Finding the right thing to say can be specifically difficult. One of the cruelest things said to me was “Someday you’re going to make a great Mom.” Of course, the person had nothing but the best intentions with the statement, yet it was quite painful for me to hear. For those who have lived through this, we know that sacred badge of Mommy-hood is often denied of us because there’s not a child there for others to see. But just because you can’t see my son, doesn’t mean he wasn’t or isn’t here. It does mean that the same way you love your children, I also love mine.
My child is just as much a part of my life as yours is. He is the first and last thing I think of every day. During the first days after his birth and passing, there were many sleepless nights and worry that perhaps I couldn’t do this. I often find myself thinking about him. I worry for his wellbeing. I worry that he won’t understand how much I love him. I worry about the future, both for him and for me.
Your child is flesh and bones, mine is an Angel watching over his father and I. That makes me a mommy.