Being a Stepmom and Infertility

April 1, 2013

Since Thanksgiving, my almost 16 year old stepson has been living with us full time. Parenting a teenager is hard, but parenting one that is not yours is even harder.  As with all teens we’ve been having attitude and school issues and issues with chores.  One of the issues was the teen thinking he was doing everyyyythiiiiing around the house(remember those days?)when in reality he has about 6 things he is expected to do.  In order to show him that he indeed does not do everything I made a list of every single thing that goes into running a household, it was 2 pages, double columns.

When I was done with the list I looked at my husband and said, “I don’t want to be a grown up anymore, we have to do so much and there are many that do all of this with little kids running around all day!”   My husbands reply was, ” Having kids makes it worth it, the little kids make it all worth it.”

My heart didn’t just break, it shattered.


It wasn’t until then that I really thought about how my step son came to be, of course my husband is his actual father and not just his step parent! I had never felt the distance between my husband and I until that moment.  He already is a father and not just waiting on me to get pregnant and have the experience with me.  He’s already been through the baby stage, into toddler hood, been through the tween years and now going through the teen years.  I’m just the step mom, I’m honestly not even needed in my step sons life if you want to get technical.  He has a mom, a caring and good mom who is very involved even though he doesn’t live with her right now.  Then there is me, who doesn’t know what any of these things are like.  It’s another way that I feel so isolated.

I never thought I’d feel this way. I never knew I’d feel a rift between my husband and I. While I realize it is no ones fault, it still hurts. It makes me realize that even with the my strong marriage, there is a divide between us and I hate it.

  • Mandy

    I have lived with infertility since 2007 and hope to give women with infertility a voice. I live in South Dakota with my pitbull, Bella and 2 cats. You can follow me on my blog.


    • ALL

      October 4, 2015 at 1:50 pm

      I can’t thank you enough for writing this. I needed to know there was someone else out there who had their heart shattered the way mine has been. Someone else who has felt the rift between you and the ones you love. I am so thankful to know I’m not alone…

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