As of late, I have had more and more of my friends who started trying to conceive with me over 5 years ago starting to have their second and third pregnancies. These are some friends that infertility have cost me, not because of ill will towards them but because of the shift in priorities and life in general. Those of us with no children are on a completely different path than those with children, let alone 2 or 3. And wouldn’t you know, my previous infertile sisters who finally conceived their child they so wanted are getting pregnant again SUPER easy. While I am very happy that they don’t have to walk this road again, I slightly want slam my head on my desk and scream, “GET IN MAH BELLEH YOU BABEH!!!!”, but then people would think I’m crazy and we can’t have that.
Infertility has cost me a full range of emotions. I remember in the “before time”, the time I was still blissfully ignorant of infertility, I would be so very excited to hear of pregnancies, and trying to figure out a way to ask someone if I could touch their babies toes, or hold them awhile. I remember holding my newborn baby cousin for hours and hours. His mother was more than willing to be able to eat, drink, and pee freely and I just held him. He was one of the last babies I did this for. What’s changed? My emotions. My first reaction now is not being excited, happy, or ecstatic upon hearing a pregnancy announcement, it’s sadness, jealousy, anger, or numbness. I usually settle on feeling numb because I feel like a horrid person being angry or jealous even though those are still “normal” reactions to grief. Many times I bottle it all up and stay numb and force a smile and go through the motions of how I know I “should” react and that’s how infertility has cost me emotions.
Money. Holy moly, you know how much this infertility stuff is?! Oh man. It’s rare that insurance will cover any infertility treatments, testing, or medicines. Many people are forced to pay out of pocket, take out loans, go into debt before even a child IF they even have one after shelling out the money for trying. IUI(intrauterine insemination) can cost out of pocket from usually $1000 -$3500 for ONE try, now think about if you don’t get pregnant your first, second, or even third try. Don’t even get me started on IVF(in-vitro fertilization), that is crazy talk kind of money that husband and I won’t have for years, if ever, for just ONE chance. I don’t think I could take that risk of it.
I once compared infertility money costs to the games at a carnival. You see all these people getting these awesome prizes for free. You walk up to the booth and the guy says, “Oh, for you it will be $3000 for a single chance to win this prize.” You take the ball and you continue to just watch person after person walk up, take a prize and walk away.
I once compared infertility money costs to the games at a carnival. You see all these people getting these awesome prizes for free. You walk up to the booth and the guy says, “Oh, for you it will be $3000 for a single chance to win this prize.” You take the ball and you continue to just watch person after person walk up, take a prize and walk away. Eventually you see another person like you who has to pay. They throw the ball, they miss, turn is over, they are shattered. They just spent their entire savings on this one chance and now they have to walk home empty handed, barefoot, in the rain, with no umbrella, and still no baby. You still have your ball, what do you do? Do you let this cost you your savings? If it doesn’t work it could also cost you more emotions, more friends….but in the end, if I ever get my baby, the costs will all be worth it.