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Guest Post by Kelly
“Nothing matters”, she sighed, as we stood beside another grave.
A couple weeks ago, it was my friend’s mother. Five years ago, it was mine. Nine years ago it was her daughter. Fourteen years ago, it was my son, and fifteen years ago, my twin daughters.
The sentiment remains the same. Nothing matters.
When we stand by the grave and contemplate the passing of time, the matters of life and death, the little day-to-day concerns that weigh on our minds seem irrelevant.
Nothing matters.
We’re out of milk, toilet paper, toothpaste. Fill in the blank.
Nothing matters.
The paint is chipped. The brakes need fixed. The television needs replaced. The news drones on about the business of life.
Nothing matters.
Nothing matters because the one you love is gone. You realize in a blink that life can end. Suddenly, who cares what kind of dress you wear to the wedding, or what you have for dinner, or whether the bills get paid on time, or even whether you get out bed?
Because nothing matters.
At least that’s how it feels for a time, in the dark valley of early grief. Numb to the things that once seemed significant, the moments that once brought joy. The book of Ecclesiastes explains this mentality well…nothing matters, nothing changes, all is vanity, there is nothing new under the sun. I’ve had Ecclesiastes moments, especially during intense grief. I wondered if I would ever care about life again, if I would enjoy the taste of my food, or laugh from deep within my belly.
After walking this path for many years, I can promise the day will come, after some time, when life will matter again. Laughter and joy will be restored, but some of the pettiness that once ruled your days may never return.
In truth, there are many things that do not matter in the grand scheme of eternity: How much money we make, the clothes we wear, success at our job, how many college degrees we have, the grudges we hold, the expectations that aren’t met, the small hurts we experience. But, some things will matter: The love we have for one another, the faith we cling to, the tears we cry, the way we choose to spend our time, how we impact the lives around us, the words we speak to others, how we choose to use the gifts we’re given.
I’m currently reading a book called Heaven, by Randy Alcorn. He challenges the idea that nothing matters, with the truth that everything matters. God cares about every detail of our lives. He holds our tears in a bottle, numbers the hairs on our heads, thinks thoughts of us more than the number of grains of sand on the beach. It may feel for a time that nothing matters, that nothing is bigger than the pain of your loss. Your list of what matters will likely change over time, but one day, life will matter again. Purpose will be found, even in this pain. And, beauty will be born, even from this time of ugliness. From a mama who has walked this path more than once, keep clinging to the hem of His garment, and the hope of restoration as your heart heals.
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Oh yes. This is it exactly.
Kelly that is so true I my self am also a multiple loss mama,
a son a daughter and boy/girl. twins, hugs from one angel mother to another
prayers to you xxx
Hugs back to you, as well Zoe. And, love and prayers, too.
I felt like this for months after Declan died. My perspective of priorities has shifted tremendously since that earth shattering moment. And sometimes I still feel that way. I’ve delivered a stillborn baby, held him in my arms, and said goodbye. What could possibly be worse than that?
It really does change our perspective, and even though, devastatingly painful…some of the change…the letting go of the small and unimportant things in life…can be a blessing…even in the brokenness. Love to you…
Wonderful post!!! Very real. I’m now at the point where things are starting to have a little more meaning.
Thank you, Lala! So glad you are reaching that point in this journey. Prayers for you as you continue to walk this path.
Beautifully written – and oh, so true!!! Thank you!
Thank you…and blessings to you…
Thank you for these beautiful words! My husband and I lost our twin boys to premature labor in December and just this past week, I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage with our rainbow. On the days when nothing matters, through all the pain of the losses and tears, I try to focus on what matters – that I am a mommy to three babies.
Dear Anne…thank you for your words…and for sharing your heart. I am so sorry for the loss of your twin boys and most recently your little rainbow. You are a mommy…to three sweet babies. Please know I am lifting you and your family in prayer this morning.
wonderfully written! Thank you so much for sharing
I’ve thought many times about how Ecclesiastes makes so much more sense to me after our loss. Loss puts things in perspective. I feel a more clear purpose, but so many petty things just truly do not matter to me anymore. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you, Keri. Ecclesiastes does ring true in the heart of one who is broken. Some of the stuff that stops mattering to us is worth letting go of, don’t you think? Like the silly little things we used to think were so big. Losing a child just makes all of those other things pale in comparison. I think that’s a gift through this great pain…to have a clear purpose. Love and prayers for you…
ABSOLUTE!!!
So beautiful Kelly! I am down that road quite a ways as well and through the ups and downs what matters definitely changes. Perspective changes and that can be a very positive thing. Although, I have to say, at some point, toilet paper DOES become very important. lol. Thanks for this uplifting post!!
Thank you! And, amen to the importance of toilet paper!