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The sun had come out for the first time in what feels like forever, so I took the opportunity to outside and prune back my roses and hibiscus trees. As the rays of the rare Winter Sun warmed my skin I forgot about the burdens that Winter herself had caused my beautiful children. I called my girls out of hibernation for the first time in weeks, they were all in desperate need of some Vitamin D. As I started digging my hands in the Earth I heard giggling over the fence. The next thing I knew there were two little girls poking their heads over the fence. “Hello!” one of the girls announced herself. “My name is Esme”. And so we met a couple of our new neighbours. For the next couple of days the girls would spend their afternoons talking to each other over the fence.
A few days later I noticed my newest little neighbours Esme and Sinead jumping on their trampoline. They were jumping with a little boy. He looked tiny, maybe 18 months old, with chocolate coloured hair and big brown eyes.
I thought to myself “Imagine if his name was Christian”. I looked over at my bookshelf and laughed at myself as I spotted one of my books titled “90,000 Baby Names”. As if this beautiful little boy’s name would be Christian.
But I wanted to know what his name was anyway and being the big brave girl that I am…. I got one of my daughters to go and ask. Hah! As I peeped through the window I watched Scarlett call out to Sinead “What’s your little brother’s name?”.
Sinead replied with “His name is Christian”.
Of course it is.
I gasped for air. I felt a wave of sadness come over me followed by another one of disbelief. Really? Out of all the boy names in the world, his name was Christian. Scarlett was just as surprised as I was and she went on to tell her newest friends that she also has a brother called Christian but that he died and doesn’t live at home with us. “Oh Scarlett, don’t tell them that” I whispered to myself. I could see the little girl in my mind running back inside to tell her parents that we have a son called Christian too…. only he is dead. And then we would be the neighbours that they would want to avoid because our dead baby shares the same name as their living son. Talk about awkward.
After having some time to think and pray about it, I think it is really beautiful that my little next door neighbour shares the same name as my only son, the little boy whose precious name is rarely spoken aloud. I am sure I will hear it often now – when I am outside hanging out the washing, watering my garden. Now when I go outside to whisper “Good Night” to the stars, I will know that close by another family got to keep their little boy named Christian and what a pure blessing he is.
Have you ever been in a situation where you have met a child with the same name as your baby/child who has passed away? How did it make you feel?
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About Carly
I honestly have never met another Gideon. It’s such a rare name but once in a book, not long after he died, the character’s name was Gideon. I couldn’t finish the book, the name stuck in my throat, I had to read over it and around it, But when I hear the name ‘Gideon’ spoken outloud, I stop, I remember and I smile, but usually the person is talking about ‘my’ Gideon. Once in a while I hear of someone who named their child Gideon and I feel a connection. The beautiful name. And I love the name Christian, it was one of the names we almost chose.
Vee,
Our son, who was stillborn at 33 weeks gestation, is named Gideon! Wow. I have only met one person with the name Gideon, a friends brother. You are the only other person I have met with a child named Gideon. We named our Gideon after the Gideon in the bible and so every time we hear Gideon preached about in church, I smile. With tears in my eyes, I smile and remember the beautiful face and soft skin of my Gideon and I remember his precious life.
My daughter’s name is Lorelei so it is not one that you hear very often at all. The first time I had seen it after our daughter passed was actually on this website. It was a photo feature called “Rainbow Baby.” I was so happy that our daughter’s name got to be the name of someone else’s rainbow.
I am a teacher. The year after my Aidan died, I went back to start teaching 4th grade again. I received my class list the week before the students started school. There on my list was an Aidan. My heart reached my throat, and I choked back the tears. I was going to have to write Aidan over and over again all year long. I was going to have to call out Aidan over and over again all year long. I was going to have to have parent-teacher conferences with Aidan’s parents several times throughout the year. As I let than though settle for awhile, it slowly dawned on me that….I would be able to write Aidan over and over again all year long. I would be able to call out Aidan over and over again all year long, and with that thought….I smiled.
This happened to me too. Like 2 months after my lost, I also had a student named Alexis like my baby. I had to call-out and write my baby’s name all the time. It was bittersweet, but at least I was able to listen and say my baby’s name A LOT (this student was one that had to constantly be reminded to stay on task).
Yes Vanessa, I agree, it was very bittersweet. While I loved writing Aidan all year, I did not always like calling out his name…he was not the best student, and I didn’t want my Aidan’s name “tarnished”, if that makes sense
Yes. That’s exactly how I felt too.
I’ve only heard my sons name a couple of times. It isn’t super common here. However, the banker who helped us set up our account so people could help cover his memorial service sons name was also Grant. I saw it as a blessing from God. Then, a few days ago I was swimming at our pool when I heard a child yell for a little boy named Grant. It made me stop and gasp and then I couldn’t take my eyes off of that little boy. I imagine he looks a lot different than my Grant would but I still felt connected to him.
Well thank you for this!! From one Mommy to a Christian to another this is the name I was missing this morning. You see I always feel as if my babies are with me saying a brief Hello when I see or hear their names around me. This morning I signed a note to my congresswoman and my return email listed the name “Bailey” as the congresswoman’s last name. Not an hour later I was reading a post to which one of those that commented was named “Alyssa”. I smiled to myself and thought, “only one more this morning and all three will be present and accounted for lol”. Now this!! There’s my Christian with a great big “Good Morning Mommy”. Thank you!!!!
There is a little girl, older than our Bella, that has the same name. It is very hard for us to hear her family call her name, and between my husband and me we call her “the girl whose name shall not be called”. Her family yells at her a lot, she doesn’t have many friends, so on top of us missing little girl we feel sadness for this young girl, too.
I had been eagerly waiting to hear the happy news that my babysitters daughter had had her baby. When my baby sitter rang and told me she had had a little boy I immediately asked “and what has she called him?” Of course, they had called him Lachlan. That in itself, though it hurt to hear, wasnt the main issue. It was that I was then told that “nobody has any rights to a name”. It felt so insensitive, like I didnt have a right to my grief. I just wish they had told me before the baby was born that they were considering the name so I was prepared and could see it as honoring to him. Instead, it felt like a slap in the face. I know I handled the situation badly but at the time, it was just so hard. Now whenever I hear his name, at school, at the pool, in the park or at the shops, I still feel a tinge of sadness, I feel sad because I wish so much I was calling my Lachies name. But I also feel so proud that he was here, albeit so briefly. I love hearing his name, and cant wait to shout it when we meet again in Heaven. What a glorious reunion that will be!
This post made me crumble, especially the part about the family getting to keep their Christian. I also have 2 girls, and my only son is in Heaven with his Maker. I don’t know why I didn’t get to keep him…but every day I give thanks I got to keep my Bailey and Taylor.
As I read your story, I lost my own breath thinking about the times I have found myself in this same situation. I have met more then a few children with my son James’ name. One time in particular I stands out and I remember thinking the same, “what if his name was James”, with the very same outcome. As the child confirmed my out there thought, it felt like time stood still for a moment and I lost myself in the shock & wave of emotions, my chest tight & breathless. I watched my living son play with this James & imagined how things could have been, with brothers playing together & felt the loss of that dream and lost my breath again.
As I replayed this chance meeting in my mind over the next hours & day, I wondered if my son, sent this James to us to let us know he was close.
So grateful for this forum, many topics have been so incredibly relevent & thoughts I haven’t shared out loud with anyone. It has been so tremendously liberating to read topics so close to my heart & mind & know I am not the only one.
The first week I returned to my 3 year old daughter’s Early Childhood Education class after we lost our triplets her classmate had his birthday. He share’s my son Elliot’s name. Even writing “my son Elliot” is hard for me. We’re 6 months out in this grief walk. But hearing an entire classroom of kids sing happy birthday to him nearly ripped me apart. I smiled as best as I could. I wiped the tears quickly with hopes of nobody seeing and avoiding their awkward half-smiles. I got through it. I miss my son.
This makes me sigh with a bittersweet memory. I have met someone with my son’s name, Corbin, just once. I have, of course, heard the name on TV, the radio, and from other angel mom’s, but this one time really took my breathe away.
My first son and I, along with my best friend, her husband, and her daughter when to a spot called the Blue Hole to go swimming. We were out in the water, splashing around, when I heard someone call “Corbin!”. My heart literally stopped as my brain starting looking around for MY Corbin. I looked up and saw a mother holding a very small, dark haired little boy. I saw them interacting and I couldn’t help myself; I walked up to her and asked if his name was indeed Corbin, and she said yes. I didn’t say anything at first, I just stared at him, trying to figure out my emotions. I then said I had a son named Corbin and I thought it was neat that they had the same name, as it isn’t very common. She of course, asked how old he was and I had to explain that he had passed. She explained that her Corbin was a preemie and had health issues, which only broke my heart more.
It was almost like MY Corbin was there with us. Like that little boy who happened to have the same name was in fact, our Corbin saying hi. I don’t know if that sounds weird to you all, but it was very bittersweet. That’s they best way I can describe that feeling. I haven’t met any other boys named Corbin since.
Ruth – my son is a Corbin too! At the time we chose it we’d only known one person in real life with that name (a friend’s brother) and my husband had heard it in a movie. When our Corbin was still with us, I had gone shopping looking for outfits for him to wear for pictures. As I was walking the store, I could over hear 2 women talking and apparently one of their little boys was named Corbin. I hadn’t seen/heard anyone with that name for a while and then a few weeks ago I went to pick up some sandwiches from a fast-food place and the guy who took my order and made my sandwiches – his name was Corbin. I choked back tears and didn’t want to cry in front of him (he was maybe 17), it’s not his fault I’m sad because his name is the name of my son in heaven. I smiled on the way home though thinking it was a sign from my Corbin.
We actually named our Erik after a friend that was killed in a tragic car accident back in 1997. I find it ironic that our Erik was killed 12 years later in a tragic accident…. I always hear our son’s name, but it’s usually spelled with a “C” instead of a “K”. On the rare occasion I do find another child with the same name and same spelling, I’m instantly drawn to them…
Our angel is Christian also <3. I thank God we chose a more uncommon name, but now seeing it how you are, I do miss hearing his name. No one ever mentions him. Another side effect of being a mother to an angel
Yes, and it always tugs at my heart. Wish that I could call my little girl by her name and she’d come running.
I am a school teacher as is my hubby and one of the reasons we choose our daughter’s name was it was unusual and we’d never had a student with the name. The first time I had a girl in my class with the same name as my daughter I could barely write out the register, let alone call her name aloud. As the weeks past it did get easier, and by the end of the year it felt like a priveledge to have had a reason to say that prescious name aloud each week when I sa that class. I was sad to say goodbye at the end of the year.
This week my two daughters (born since the loss) were playing make-believe as they love to and giving each other new names for the game. Usually they are silly names – Princess Toast was my all time fav! – but this week they both decided they should be called by their older sister’s name…. Where did they hear it from? I do not know. (Hubby won’t let me tell them about their sister ). It sounded beautiful in their mouths, but I wished they knew about their sister and didn’t just use the name in game….
Round here there aren’t many children called Bradley so when i hear or see the name it really catches me, that’s the only way to describe it. If i hear someone calling that name i find myself whipping round to see what that Bradley is like and wondering what my Bradley would be like if he were still here.
I have ony once come facw face to face with another Cayden, it’s a unusual name here. I had to put on hapy face and even sing his name during a song, He didn’t look like my Cayden, he looked like my living son, but I went home and cried and cried. My heart was broken all over again :-/