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I feel like this past year has been a marathon.
I started out in a dead sprint; pure determination and survival mode.
Bringing Aidan home, preparing the services, burying Aidan.
The faster we got through it, the better we would fare.
Then the immediacy wore off. We were left alone. I spent six weeks at home trying to figure out how to return to a world without Aidan.
I went numb. I coasted. Time meant nothing.
Back and forth. Up and Down. Tears. Laughter.
This is the middle. The months that have flown by while simultaneously dragging on.
I was making sure I kept track and felt every single moment of them.
I’ve rounded that final corner. I can see his birthday looming. One year since everything went upside down.
Eleven months. We are picking up steam. Adrenaline is propelling me towards his birthday.
I look forward to his birthday. My heart breaks because it is also the day he went to heaven.
One moment; two life-changing events.
It is really hard for me to not focus on September. I just want to skip August all together. Why can’t we just be there already?
My goal for August is to soak in these moments. To try to remember this month last year. It was the best month of my life. I was really showing, we threw parties, planned weddings, bought bedding and clothes, spent each and every day cherishing our baby boy.
I want to spend each and every day cherishing him. So, that is my goal for this eleventh month. I started it off by returning to NWA and celebrating Aidan. It was hard. I was terrified. I was surrounded by love. I was cherishing Aidan and the moments we spent together there.
It was a perfect start to the beginning of the end of this first year.
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About Tara
It has been almost six months since I lost my son, yet I am already trying to plan a small birthday celebration for him. Although he won’t be here for the event. I look forward to it like you do and dread it all at the same time. I understand your wanting to hurry through all of the hard moments so you can be done with them… I feel the same way. I very much wish we had a way to fast forward through the moments that we know will be hard. My son Jake’s headstone will be delivered this week and I’m not sure how i’m going to handle it.
Many hugs,
Jessica
I remember when Aidan’s headstone arrived. It was just one of those days. Pride and heartache. I’ll be thinking of you. I blogged about that day if you want to go back and look at Aidan’s. Thank you for reaching out.
Best wishes as you cherish & celebrate your precious son! May you always feel love around you~
Oh thank you! Trying to take each day and honor him.
Thinking about you this last month, I know the anticipation can be worse then the actual day so praying you have a gentle countdown to Sept. Aidan and I share a birthday so this year when I wake up I will be sure to send him some birthday wishes just for him. HUGS
We have chosen to celebrate that week. We are doing it big time and are going on a cruise. How special that you share that day with him. Thank you.