Panic!
I wish I could finish that with “…at the disco”, but unfortunately I’m not writing about a fun band.
I know you’ve felt it.
Did you hear a song? Read a poem, book, or an article? Look at a child that holds a place in your heart?
And after this picture-perfect moment she turned to me and said, “Hurry up, Mandy! I’ll wait for you.”
I thought to myself, “No sweetie, you won’t.” She could never know how her statement resonated in my heart and I hope she never has to.
Then sheer panic hit me. Hard.
In that moment of panic you want to scream and your body wants to crumble but you don’t, because if you do you may just end up in a padded white cell(probably not but you will feel like you belong there).
You ask yourself the questions you always do;
When?
When will it be me?
When will I be worthy?
Why?
Why not me?
Why am I not worthy?
What?
What will I finally have to do?
Will I ever get to teach my own child how to make sand castles or will I always be the teacher for others?
In that moment of panic, I can’t help but feel that my heart is being left behind.
How do you deal with this? I haven’t figured it out yet. I personally ignore it, bury it deep, then I may write about it like I am for you today and then I cry as I try to type. I have people tell me that I inspire them to keep going, and they can’t imagine how strong I am. I’m no stronger than anyone else and I need help too sometimes.
So what say you? What are your best coping methods that you turn to when you feel that panic rise? Let me know in the comments any advice you have for others.
{Your Thoughts}