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Guest Post by Travis
It has been a little over two years since we found out that our son, Christian Andrew Scott, was a full-term, stillborn baby. The journey since his flight into Heaven has not been easy for me and my wife, but I feel that his life has helped us to appreciate what is important, especially me!
Prior to the birth of our son, I did everything society wanted me to do. I worked 60+ hours a week on top of an hour commute, money was my motivation, I sacrificed time with family; I was a company man and on my way up the “corporate ladder”. At that time I thought I was happy, but looking back I can see that my values and dreams were not aligned with my life.
I would like to tell you that after Christian was born I immediately realized I was living a life I didn’t want, but that is not the truth. After his funeral, it took a little over year of depression, debt, sadness, feeling sorry for myself, and our third child on the way before I realized I was not living the life I wanted.
The Day that Changed Everything…
One day I was sitting in my car eating lunch, thinking about Christian in Heaven. I thought about him looking down at me and seeing my every move. Then I concluded that I wanted to make my son proud, so when I have the chance to meet him again someday he would look me in the eyes and say, “Daddy, you were amazing. I am so proud of you.”
That day I made a choice to live a life that was true to me, my family, my faith, and to Christian. I have used Christian as my motivation to live life a little slower, less stressful, and cherish the little things in life.
Since then I have switched careers and that allows me to spend more time with my family. I wrote a book to honor my son, and have aligned my values with my life. For the first time in my life, I can say that I am having the time of my life!
Although I wish Christian was here to experience life with us, I have eternal gratitude to him for changing my life. I am better husband, father, son, friend, and person because of my son.
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Wow – that is so powerful! As Gramma to my two and only grandbabes – also in Heaven – I can relate to the reprioritizing of life and earthly values. While I miss them terribly, I can testify that my life is richer because of the journey I’m on. God has graciously allowed me to become very involved in the Babyloss community mostly here in Seattle area – but also far reaching. Would I rather have Julia and Evan back? Of course! But would I trade the blessings and friends I’ve made as a result? No. GOD is still GOD, and GOD is still GOOD. I can, and do, trust HIM to bring roses out of the ashes……. and He’s doing just that. Praise His name!
Blessings on you, Travis. Your baby boy Christian IS proud of you!! And so is the rest of your family.
♥ Gramma Vicki
Gramma Vicki….sorry for your losses! You have a great outlook on life! I just read in Love Does by Bob Goff, “I used to think that I could shape the cirucumstances around me, but now I know Jesus uses circumstances to shape me”
Travis I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son Christian. I am always inspired when a father writes about childloss. Christian fulfilled his purpose by making you a better man and father. That may not be comforting to you but it is the only way to give meaning to a senseless event. I lost my first and only grandchild seven months ago. The only positive I can think of is how my sweet Viictoria healed a broken family. She brought us back together, old grudges were forgotten and in mourning her loss we became a family again. I believe that God brought Victoria into our lives to bring my three children back together and my husband and I closer. Christian showed you how to be the very best you could be through the most painful process of all-losing him. But as you said he is not gone. He is watching you, his mommy and his siblings. He is very proud of the changes you have made and the way you reach out to others in pain such as me. By the way , you and your wife gave him a beautiful name. God bless your family.
Thank you Colleen for sharing. I love how you found some type of good in a terrible situation. Christian has so much good into our lives as well. In addition to being a better husband and father; I have a little girl because of him, wrote a book (Christian’s Gifts) and am starting a podcast about BabyLoss that should be debuting in August. All of this because of Christian.
Thank you for this post. Sometimes I get so angry, and am so lost in my grief, then I need to remind myself to live a life that would make baby boys proud.
Susie…Anger is part of the healing process. I was angry for almost 18 months straight. I just wrote a book (christian’s Gifts)…if you want a free copy send me an email at travis@beyondschoolwalls.com and I will send you a .pdf. The book deals with my story and i think it will help you a little bit. I can tell you things will get better.
I totally agree — my daughter Eve’s stillbirth has hands-down made me a better woman, wife, mother, friend . . . I am so sad that she’s gone, but so grateful for what she has left behind.
Beth-that is a great way to put it. I am going to steal that from you!
Beautiful post, I am forever changed by my own fullterm stillborn daughter Skylar. For her I will change, She brought me closer to God and for that I am forever greatful and know one day we will be together again. For now she is our angel watching over us.
Melissa-sorry for your loss, but I am glad you are closer to God. For me I am closer to my family, God, and having a purpose in life so I can make Christian proud! One of the biggest things I have planned is creating a podcast for parents of angel babies.
This is beautiful, Travis. Thank you for sharing from your heart.
Dear Travis,
I first want to say how sorry i am for your great loss of your beloved son Christian.As a loss mama of 4 sweet angels.A set of twin boys at 24wks4days,a daughter at 22wks.Due to a cord accident.And a son at 22wks.We never found a reason as to why his little heart just stopped.I was blessed by God to have 3 wonderful loving sons.I am also a angel grandma to a grandson lost at 23wks,9wks and 8wks.But on August 10th,2012.The Lord called my 4 month old grandson Matthew.I know God is hold me up right now.I am going on the love that baby boy and i shared.And those beautiful smiles.I took care of him every other week.Day and night.When i read your amazing story and how your baby boy changed your life.It touched me beyond words.And to hear how a daddy is feeling.Is big,for i know its hard for a man to get this feeling out.I just want to tell u.U did not fail.This is something that we have no control over.Your a wonderful man,husband and Father to all your children.Your family is blessed to have such an amazing man.I will keep u and your family in my prayers.And i send u all peace,light and love.Again i am very sorry for your loss.Hug your wonderful wife and tell her how very sorry i am.Sending loving hugs always.We all share a very special bond.And i thank our beautiful angels for that.Cause i feel they bring some awesome people in our lives.God Bless U All